THE ART OF SAYING GOODBYE

The sweetest part of every winter is having the kids home for four long weeks and, knowing that they don`t grow out of going home for the holidays, is the best thought in the whole wide world. As we were having a home-made fish and chips Saturday evening gathered around the kitchen table, I realised two things:  One – we might not have it all together, but together we have it all.  And two – hello is just simply a better word than goodbye…always.

…We all hate goodbyes – whether it’s saying goodbye to a relationship or a car or a home or a habit or even Game of Thrones (take note, that`s not me…haven`t watched a single episode), goodbyes are awful.  In fact, I wonder who invented the word goodbye – shouldn’t it rather be bad-bye, or awful-bye?  Goodbye sounds like couldn’t-care-less-about-you-bye.

The only good goodbyes I can think of is saying goodbye to a stubborn winter cough or triumphantly waving goodbye to a few unwanted kilos…All the other byes are bad.  You are left with a hole in which you wallow in bitter thoughts on what you no longer have… Last week my sister had to say goodbye to her five-year old Persian cat, Gracie, who suffered from severe kidney failure due to kidney stones.  Yes, I know, it’s only a cat, but to her it was an integral part of family…

Then, life almost came to a standstill as I awaited news from Mari and Jacques who had to say goodbye to their baby boy, Juan, before he`d even said hello…But, strong and calm as ever, I heard from Mari on Friday.  She says she had the opportunity to hold Juan’s broken small body and kiss him goodbye – and seeing the peaceful expression on his still-born little face she says she knew – “he was not meant for this world”.  Mari`s inner strength reminded me of Emery Lord`s words in the novel When we collided:

“My dark days made me strong.  Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it…”

…For the past few days I have pondered upon this a lot.  Why is it so hard to say goodbye?  Maybe we feel so much because a part of ourselves is being left behind as well.  It`s hurtful to part from something you want but know you shouldn’t keep.  It`s probably what makes change so hard to accept.  The feeling of loss, of endings.  We don`t want things to change because we like things the way they are.   The future also becomes more uncertain and that can be scary as well.

This week’s blog has been one of the most difficult pieces I have ever written.  I am not an authority on the topic of loss and saying goodbye.  I can not imagine what Mari and Jacques have gone through these last few weeks.  But I think their saying goodbye has reminded me of the impermanence of existence.  One day it will all end, everything we have and who we are will be gone.  Saying goodbye is to acknowledge that wheels turn, and that time passes.

I think saying goodbye also teaches us what`s important.  That we should prepare ourselves as best as we can for those moments when we have to let go.    

Author A.A. Milne, who is perhaps best known for his books about a teddy bear named Winnie-the-Pooh, once wrote:

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

While saying goodbye does mean accepting that a part of our life is now over, it also provides us with a chance to realise just how blessed our lives have been. Regardless of how long someone or something have been a part of our lives, whether it’s five minutes, five years, or five decades, their impact will always remain with us—even after we utter that simple, yet hard to say, two-syllable word.

The finality associated with saying goodbye is challenging. Yet it’s an empowering word, with a message of hope…

Goodbyes force us to start over. They force us to find new qualities within us, and they allow us to grow.  Goodbyes remind us that nothing is guaranteed. We may think that certain things will never change, and certain people will never leave, only to realise that sometimes they do. Goodbyes remind us that we should never take anything for granted because no matter how sure we are of something today we still don’t know what tomorrow will bring and how it can turn our lives around.

Yes, goodbye IS most certainly the toughest word in the dictionary, it`s too much and too little, it’s reckless and riveting, but saying goodbye also mean saying hello to something new… ‘For every goodbye, God also provides a hello’, wrote Donna Gable Hatch in her novel “For every goodbye”.

We shouldn’t let goodbye scare us from starting what could be the best stories of our lives… If you`re brave to say goodbye, life will provide you with a hello.  And whether we say adios, au revoir, ciao, auf Wiedersehen or simply goodbye.  It’s not forever.  It simply means I’ll miss you until we meet again. 

Yours in fitness

Mirna