Hundreds of years ago, the English poet, Alexander Pope, said: “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed…” Last week, as we were concluding the second body assessments of our Winter Challenge, I accidentally stumbled upon a very interesting podcast by the American writer, Nadia Bolz Weber…
It’s a podcast she delivered on New Year’s Eve, and in that chat, she actually encouraged everyone to lower their expectations! She said: “In 2024, may you just skip the part where you resolve to be better, do better and look better this time. Instead, may you give yourself the gift of really, really, low expectations. Not out of resignation, but out of generosity. May you expect so little of yourself that you can be super proud of the smallest of accomplishments. May you expect so little of the people in your life that you actually notice and cherish every small, lovely thing about them. May you expect so little out of 2024 that you can celebrate every single thing it offers you, however small. Because you deserve joy and not disappointment…”
Controversial? Indeed! I have been pondering her words for a week now, and I just can’t seem to make peace with it. Most of us are hard-wired to expect only the best – that’s why we exercise, take part in fitness challenges, do InBody assessments, eat healthy, have skincare rituals, and brush our teeth. We hold ourselves to high standards, and most of us identify fully with these words from the famous poem by Christian D Larson: “…to think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best…”
But, the problem is, when the best doesn’t happen, we often find ourselves believing that we are not doing enough, not being enough. Psychologists say that expecting a lot from oneself is not solely an inborn thing – the environment in which you are raised plays a role, as well as feedback from others. Societal pressure is also a factor, and, of course, personal values, successes, and failures.
I think I definitely fall in the category of perfectionism, and I am not always proud of that. I remember, when I was in Primary school, my mom once took me to a child psychologist in Potchefstroom – she told me that in a race, there are always white horses AND black horses, and that the white horses don’t always win, and it’s okay. I guess she tried to teach me, that I should ease up a little…I hope I have.
I think fitness instructors are not perfectionists, they are “wowzerists” (I know, there’s not even really such a word) – they always want to go above and beyond expectations. Yes, we all want not just to please, but to impress. We want to blow people out of the water…And yet, even with our best intentions, we sometimes find ourselves disappointing people. And that’s rule number one when you get involved in the fitness industry – Let go and remind yourself that you can’t please all the people all the time, and there are some people you won’t please any of the time, and that’s okay.
So, when I’m trying to make sense of Nadia Bolz Weber’s podcast, it would sound something like this: Expecting less of yourself in fitness and health doesn’t mean giving up – it means setting realistic, compassionate goals that prioritize your well-being. It means listening to your body, embracing imperfection, celebrating small wins. And it means to stop expecting the impossible. We are not capable of Jedi mind tricks, parting the seas, or being like Josh Hutcherson in that movie “57 seconds”, where we can go back to the past to fix things.
We should. Just. Do. Our. Best. Doing your best will change from day to day. Some days it will be much higher than others. As Mariné wrote on her Instagram page last week: “Some days are better than others. I try to be the best I can while also staying kind to myself…”
…Expecting less of ourselves in life might mean the following: You might not be able to do everything perfectly or to be perfectly content with yourself all the time, but this should never result in rejecting yourself. You might still be learning to believe the truth about your worth, but believing the lies does not need to be the substitute. Whatever you are lacking should never take away from your true value.
A lack of perfection should never result in rejecting yourself.
A lack of success should never result in seeing yourself as a failure.
A lack of a loving relationship should never make you feel you are not worthy of love.
A lack of fulfilment in one area of life should never make you feel you are not whole.
And as for other’s expectations of us – don’t let their ideas limit who you are. Put on your oxygen mask first. As Bruce Lee once said: “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” So, stop waiting for the world to cut you some slack and say: “good job”. Life has so much more to offer. Our glass is not half empty or half full, it’s already broken. Have you heard this…?
“You see this goblet?”, asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai Buddist master. “For me, the glass is already broken. I enjoy it, I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table, and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’
When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious…”
Maybe that’s what it means to ease up a little – Life is like a broken glass; it WILL break sooner or later. Rather than expecting things to happen one way, let’s enjoy them for what they are, and while they last. But, asking me to lower my expectations? I don’t know, that’s just not who I am…
Motivational speaker, Brian Tracy, recently said: “Positive expectations are the mark of the superior personality.” I think I’m an improve-your-reality, instead of lower-your-expectations kind of girl. Maybe that’s just part of being a “wowzerist”, like Jane Austin, who says in the classic novel “Sense and sensibility”: “To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect.”
So, may the rest of your 2024 be wow – an optimistic, realistic, joyful WOW ! May you hope for the best and expect the best. And, please, do not skip the part where you resolve to be better, do better, and look better. Why? Because you never know!
Yours in fitness
Mirna
082 779 0507
PS (If you’re a winter challenge member, tell me in one sentence how YOU feel about expectations, before Sunday 20.00)