Getting out of your own way…

We have completed 9 of the 13 weeks of our Winter Challenge, and most members have done a second body assessment.  Now there are 4 weeks to go and a last push to conquer those much wanted personal goals everybody set out to achieve. The topic of this week’s Blog has been on my mind for a few weeks now, simply because of an interesting comment one of our participants recently made…

“Wow!”, I exclaimed a fortnight ago after we have done her InBody assessment.  You have dropped 3 numbers on the Visceral scale reading and more than 4 percent body fat!  It’s amazing!  What have you done?!”

“A little less self-sabotage”, she said with a smile…

I instantly knew this was something I needed to write about.

Because, don’t we all want to move to the next level in all aspects of our lives, and constantly find that something keeps getting in the way?  Could you and I be that “something”?

…Think about this for a second – you desperately want to cut down on excess sugar in your diet, nobody is holding a gun against your head forcing you to eat a doughnut.  And still you do.  There’s no rulebook that says you HAVE to drink a glass of sherry every evening before dinner.  And yet, you can’t resist.  And when the alarm goes off at 4.40, no one but you decide to hit the snooze button until it’s too late to get to gym class anyway.

Yes, most of you are aware that the pesky saboteur that follows you around in life and stops you from achieving your goals is none other than yourself.  And we are all aware that this vicious cycle we get stuck in encourages negative self-talk, self-defeating behaviour, and a rude inner critic.

Our self-sabotage could be as simple as that subconscious thought telling you that you can’t do it.  Or it could very well be the unconscious patterns you still practice that prove counterproductive to what you actually want.  I think you know what I’m referring to, because it has happened to all of us at some point – breaking a promise to yourself and letting yourself down.  And then hating yourself…

Yes, yes, yes, you know all this.  What can I tell you today about this topic that you didn’t know, or what you haven’t thought about…?

This…

I stumbled on this piece of writing by Shirani Pathak, a licensed psychotherapist in San Jose, California, and this has given me a whole new perspective.  She writes: “Self-sabotage isn’t sabotage at all.  It’s actually a protective mechanism created by you psyche in order to keep you safe from any potential danger of harm…”

To me, hearing this was already a little bit reassuring, because it implies that we may not even be aware of self-sabotaging behaviour, and that it isn’t something we do on purpose.  Phew, that’s a start…

But how does it work?  Pathak explains that when we’re wading into unfamiliar waters because we’re looking to make a change, it can trigger all the alarm bells in our internal system that tells us: “Danger!  Danger!”  Then, our brains send the command for us to engage in a familiar way to bring us back into familiar waters.

There are thousands of articles and viewpoints on self-sabotage, but I agree with Pathak, that the most effective way to stop self-sabotaging is to shift our narrative around what it is.  Once we stop viewing it as sabotage and start viewing it as parts of our brain trying to keep us safe, then we can start to have compassionate curiosity about our fears, and work through them.

Obviously, this can’t happen without a little self-examination.  At some point we’ll all need to ask ourselves, “Why have I ended up here again?”  We’ll need to discover which uncomfortable emotion we’d rather not feel, is hidden underneath our self-sabotage – is it maybe fear of failure, fear of success, fear of commitment, or fear of inadequacy?

American writer, Maureen Brady, recently said: “Sometimes we self-sabotage just when things seem to be going smoothly.  Perhaps this is a way to express our fear about whether it’s okay for us to have a better life…”

“We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle”, said the famous Marilyn Monroe.

But it’s easier said than done.  And how?  Where do we start?  Maybe it can start with something simple like changing “This is impossible” into “This is new, and I am learning how to own this…one day at a time”.  Maybe stopping the cycle of self-sabotage means to stop constantly beating ourselves up so much.  To give ourselves permission that it is okay to make mistakes, because all mistakes aren’t permanent, and self-forgiveness is the best chance we have at peace. Maybe it means realizing that our biggest challenge is learning how to get out of our own way.

I don’t know if you have heard of Brianna West, the bestselling American author and poet.  I have fallen in love with her work, and would like to leave you with a few quotes from her book “The Mountain is You:  Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery”:

“Your life is defined not only by what you think about it, but also what you think of yourself…If you want to master your life, you have to learn to organise your feelings.

Your new life is going to cost you your old one.

It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and sense of direction.

It’s going to cost you being liked and understood.

It doesn’t matter.

The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side.

You’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.

All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.

BECOMING THE BEST VERSION OF YOU IS YOUR NATURAL INHERITANCE.”

One day you will be grateful you kept going.

Stay for that day.

Yours in fitness

Mirna

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